PHOTOS up on the mooncake festival!!


went to the playground to celebrate mooncake festival with bijun and linyi. well, i'm lazy to type...









linyi was busy talking with her *fren while we were playing.......




.bijun's creation.




LINYI!!!!




BIJUN!!!



mine!!














.moon of the night.



finally, this the mess we created. i really pity the cleaner.... :(


anyway, had a great night with them. can we have this every year?!? =p






one more week post perlim programme will end, 3 more weeks to O level paper. i'm studying hard, everyone too..


in the morning, those words you two guys said hurt me. i am not late, i was with mr zuk. yes i admit i was going out with my bf yesterday but i did study afterwards. i stay up late in the night to study even though i was extremely tired. i didn't do the papers not bcos i'm happy dating but i'm studying other subjects. i know you might not notice it, but those words is not nice at all......
my name is not called...i'm upset and disappointed on myself..i'm sorry. i'm just too comparavative and my expectation is just too high...




goin for ballet lesson in 5 min time. i'm not in the mood to dance at all. what happened in school today affected my mood very badly....








i want to lock myself in a room and isolate myself. i hate myself of always comparing my result with other. i hate myself of having such a high expectation. this is not me. i dont want to be like this, really....

okie, i think i'm studying very hard recently. of cos, goin out with bf cannot be neglected. bf really help me reduce my stress, when i'm with him of cos. ^^


last night i couldn't sleep. why?!? BECAUSE i'm guilty of not studying the whole day. silly me. in the end i woke up in the middle of the night to study. =p




well, having intense english self studying now. everyday i will be studying english, except last night. every morning in school will be with mr zuk. i think i will pass, i should pass, i will pass. i must pass and i must score B3!!




i'm sooo looking forward to my primary school gathering. went out with one of my pri sch fren to celebrate moon cake festival just now. will update once i have the time.


well, probabaly will take some time.






i know i'm thinking too much. yes, i am thinking too much. recently i just think toooooo much. everything is fine, everything is great. however i just feel it's not right. however i still feel somebody is backstabbing me. however i still feel i'm alone. however i still feel everyone dislike me. however i still feel left out.


i can't stop the inner me, the deep inside me who is telling me all this. i hate it, i really hate it. i want to control and i'm trying my best to control. i must admit it's tiring.....






i need to night study partner!!! really one interested? it's really night study. let's study from 7 to 11/12? i can't concentrate at home at night. cannot study in my room cos grandma is sleeping. study in the living room will end up watching tv. if switch off tv will be very scary.


HELP!!!!~~~

i'm so tired, i feel like a zombie.


yesterday's ballet was really really very tiring. i'm aching so badly, every single part of my body is aching. arm, back, shoulders, legs... i think i need to have more classes to improve myself.




morning ate prata with my parents and my brother at jalan kayu. it's been ages for us to eat prata together. i'm still very full now.


have been studying the whole afternoon at home. my brain is tired. the headache is coming soon.


anyway, i'm goin out soon to starbuck to drink yummy yummy coffee! ^.^








tan xueying, a crybaby. a girl that will always be crying even over a small little problem. a girl that will be extremely sad even over a tiny little problem. a girl that is never good at anything. a girl that is no confidence within herself. a girl that never wish to grow up. a girl that always wish to whine. a girl that need to be loved. a girl that always need support from family, boyfriend and friends. a girl that dont want to be independent. a girl that always want everything to be prefect. a girl that always have very high expectation.......

first thing i thou in the morning...
I WANT TO DRINK COFFEE!!! not those 3in1 coffee or foodcourt coffee but starbuck, coffee bean or anything cafe's coffee. i want to drink a yummy yummy coffee while studying in a cooling aircon room! ^.^


i told myself, i must drink coffee today no matter what. if there is no nobody willing to drink with me, i will go alone!! =p


well, i'm not so alone. so now, i'm going out soon to drink my coffee with cheryl, joanne, jingyu, ronald and hanchuan!! oh oh, dear will be coming at a later time too!! :D




recieved a call from daddy that he is at tampines now!! so so i have a free ride to semi!








oh my.... nowadays birds are so brave! i walked to my house kitchen and i saw TWO birds inside eating the chicken bone. it's really very disgusting. the birds flew OVER MY HEAD and out the windows!! can you imagine?!? i can feel the wind produce by the wings of the bird. they were sooo close to me!! EEeee!!!~ AND AND! there is even bird shit on the floor! it really make me want to vomit!!


i simply cannot understand. why my grandparents just can't keep the kitchen clean? why can't they just dispose it properly? i know i know i shouldn't say them. but pls!!~ i told them numerous times already. why can't they change?!?


in the end i had to clean the bird shit. disgusting disgusting disgusting!!!!~~ even though i bath again, i still feel sooo dity.


OH MY GOD!!~ DISGUSTING!!!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~

currently eating instant noodles...




start of the school we had 3 hours of talk from principal, vice-principal and sec 4 dean miss ang. in the 3 hours, they shared how disappointed they were. miss ang even cried. i can feel their disappointment, i can feel the sadness.




my result did drop, even mr goh agreed. my overall english failed badly. i know there's no point complaining here, but just let me whine. it make me feel better.




prelim result:-
english - D7, 41
e math - A1, 83
a math - A1, 89
science - A2, 74
comb. hum. - B4, 60


targetted result:-
english- B3
e math - A1, 90 and above
a math - A1, 90 and above
science - A1, 85 and above
comb. hum - A2

in tears.....


i'm tired, i'm exhausted. i know everyone is experiencing this too, i know i'm not the only one. but i just want to whine, i just want to break down and i just want to give up. i was ok just now in school, but now....


i calculated my L1R4 just now, it's far away from my expectation. i can't get into the course i want. i know, i know i'm not the worst, but my expectation is high. this prelim result is not what i targetted.


daddy was talking to me just now. i know they are worried about me and i know they know i'm studying hard. he said "i'm proud of you, you had improve so much". but i want you to feel even more proud. i'm not a express student, i can't make you feel proud. i want to show to you and everyone else, a NA student who is able to go JC, choose to go poly.


i also can feel dear's care and friends' support.


but sometimes i just can't control my emotion. i must admit i'm a very emotional person.








*dry my tears and back to my studies*


One and a half month all this will be over.
i'm really looking forward to it.






bijun, i'm sorry about today.

get back almost every subject except phy and english paper 1.




i fail my english paper 2 very badly. i'm upset and disappointed. mid-year is harder then prelim yet i fail my perlim. i'm holding, i'm still holding on.


shuangsheng, i'm sorry that i just scold you off while u want to counsel me. thanks anyway.


to me, once english fail means everything fail. what's the point of getting all A1 and english D7 and below? i'm still far away to my target for english. it seems impossible of me getting what i want.




geography, i didn't do well. the marks is not what i expected. mdm nisa was telling me i didn't really understand what the qns is asking and just throw out all the contextual knowledge i had. i'm disappointed.


AND THAT GUY!! mdm nisa was going thru with me and HE was showing off his marks. i got 2 for that particular qns and he got 6. so he said "eh i got 6 marks! my total mark is higher than u. so i see where my one mark is gone." and he showed it to me. SHIT YOU! i'm not blind.
AND!!~
the whole lesson he was muttering all his own comment so loudly to jeffery even me who sit 2 seats away can hear. that guy was happily saying "YEAH I PASS!" "WTH one more mark to A!" "I WILL SURE FAIL(after getting the paper)HEY JEFF I PASS!!"....... poor jeffery didn't score well and was sobbing but he just kept demoralise jeff.
YOU!!~ can't you just keep your mouth SHUT!! you are not only irritating me but EVERYONE! leave your own comment to urself, no one to tell anyone around you. u will end up demoralising others and make ppl dislike you even more! if you really want, just tell your point of view to your god(no offence to others). i believe your god will me willing to listen to you.








RAH!!~
i'm pissed and i'm really pissed on myself too.


i need a cool bath, to cool myself.

WAHAHA!! currently i'm waiting for the youtube to load finish the casper the movie!! ^o^

ya ya, i know this kind of show is for kid to watch. but but casper was my fav childhood show what!!~ my dad's friend gave us SOO many LD and one of it contain casper the friendly ghost movie. hohoho~ but there's simply no one can help me to fix the LD thing. i can't watch i can't watch. daddy went batam and will be back by tonight, boyfriend and kor kor dont want/wish/know to fix for me. :(

to be honest, i prefer LD den dvd or vcd! haha. i find it soo cool. BIG BIG BIG!!~ haha!!

okiee. i'm going to watch the movie now. BYE!!~

these are the links. watch it if you want. =p
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekpsvR3pEj0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZrSCbyNEkU&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hpqh3wjQX84&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=702LBL-4uTQ&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1I1J29KxCE&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDfBaN0mC4A&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8owgPQvo_Y&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAqZmgJZe8Q&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ItaZigQhb4w&mode=user&search=
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myQftqUbtpc&mode=user&search=

WTH!!!~


friday afternoon i watched high school muscial 2. as i have ballet at 645pm, i have to stop at part 8 due to the lack of time. so i wanted to watch this afternoon but this is what they say......

i want to go overseas!


i want to learn ice skating!


i want sun-tanning!


i want swimming!


i want ice cream!


i want to eat laska!


i want to have ballet classes everyday!


i want money money money!! $$$


and many many more........






i write this once again, tml is the last paper; sci MCQ. i'm not studying, i'm not studying!! i slept the whole afternoon, from 11am to 7pm. afterwards, i was eating and watching tv until NOW!!!
*shake head*


NO school on fri so is shopping with dearest bijun tml!! i'm so looking forward to it. recieved a msg from my primary school friend is that we will be having a gathering soon!!!! =p






tml is just the last perlim paper but i feel that it's the last paper of my sec school life. LOL!!








indeed, this a just a random post. will go back to study at 11pm.

well, i decided to delete the post i updated yesterday. all i can say is yesterday is a bad day. e math paper not well done, unhappy with mother and boyfriend mood swing due to lack of sleep.


last night i'm really tired. break down is the only thing that can settle my mood down for study.








anyway, physics paper for today is not easy. *shake head*




well, tml is sci MCQ. i'm taking a nap first. didn't sleep well last nite.

i'm very high, i'm very happy. since last nite, i can't stop smiling. :D


well, was back from the e math paper 1 i had jus now. haha. i'm so high and in such a good mood until i do so happily. okie okie. i dont know how to explain how happy i am. :D


will be going out to celebrate cheryl's 17th birthday later!!
HAPPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL LEE!!!!



i'm going to take a nap now. didn't sleep last nite cos i'm just too high!!








I LOVE MY BOY!!




can i have a song every night? =p

[[Grow old with you-Dj Limmer]]

Another day without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now i know how much it means
For you to stay right here with me
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurts so bad i can't take it any longer


I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you


A thousand miles between us now
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad i can't take it any longer


I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you


Things can come and go
I know but Baby
I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me


I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you


I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be lookin in your eyes
I wanna be there for you, sharing everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

There are often things in life we look back and regret on.
But if there are already regrets
It's time to stop doing those things you do,
That you know you'll look back on and think about ...

i totally agree what the writer had wrote. however, it's always too late when we started regretting. don't you think so? on top of that, there is always something stopping me from stopping myself do the things that i had regretted. [understand?]

now in my mind, there is a thing i regret of doing it. the sense of regret is growing yet i'm not stopping. until now, i'm not prepared at all in doing that. the sense of fear and disappointment is always there. even though a promise is made, you still break it in another way. well, maybe i never explain it clearly. my fault. i decided to do this, i can't blame you or anyone but myself.

.dad.

dad, he is more then a father to me. i should say he is a father and a friend to me. a important and great friend. the love and the feeling i have towards him is unreplaceable. he is the most important person in my life. he will know how i really feel and he will know if i'm having a fake laugh. even though i never tell him anything, he will know when i really need him. of cos, no matter what he is always there. without fail! He is a great dad, husband and friend. without him, i will not be who i am now. i love him.
just now, he walked into the room and looked into my eyes. afterwards, he just came in the room and sat beside me. he didn't ask what happen but just started telling me what he had done today. and i know he is trying to give me some advise through this. i'm feeling so much better now.
thank you dad. i know you will never ever read this, but i still want to say thank you.

i will not emo and i will not be sad. i will be a happy person no matter what happen. i will not be angry in whatever unpleasant things had happen on me. for him, i will do this.

i'm tired and my whole body is aching so badly.


today's ballet was really FUN!! did lots of spins. i'm really ON today too!!
SATIFY!!!


there's ballet tml!! i'm soo looking forward to it even though my legs are aching badly.


some of my friends were having ballet classes everyday as their exam is coming really near. ALL THE BEST girls. GOOD LUCK!!
even though they are soo tired, i'm envy they can afford to have classes everyday. :(






the one week holiday is ending really soon. :( i want a longer holiday. i had so much sleep over this week. ^.^
next week will be perlims again. i must admit i haven't been studying much over this holiday. all i did is busy SLACKING and SLEEPING!! i feel so bad now. :(


school starts next week which means back to my 5 hours of sleep again. i will surely miss the days i had during the holiday.








okie! i should go study now before i get restless and sleepy again.


GOOD NIGHT!!~

THIS IS A LONG POST WITH LOTS OF PHOTOS!!

went to batam as a school trip on monday.

woke up SUPER early as we need to arrive there at 6.45am. *sleepy* thanks god my dad fetch me and bijun. i love you dad!! =p

reached the ferry terminal at 645am. just on time. i'm surprise that the teachers were LATE! *shake head*
even though it stated 6.45am must reach, we get on to the ferry at 8am. *roll eyes* the long waiting make me sooo sleepy.

.passport & cardS.

.the ferry which will bring us to batam!!.

in the ferry..

.me.bijun.

.the 3 "sistars". =p

the roof top of the ferry views....

.SINGAPORE.

.back view.

.front view.

.depressing tiangwei.

beekoon.xinhui.faddilah.me.bijun.

beekoon!!

.candid shot.

bijun!!

.take 1.

.take 2.

.group photo.

.a photo for wenqian of ONG JINGKAI. =p

BIJUN!!

xinhui!!

beekoon & and big big bread!

after an hour ride, we finally reach batam!!

first station, orphanage

the environment of the school. combination of primary and secondary

.classroom.

.staff room.

.the cute little kids

.in the classroom.

they were singing a song for us!!

.video.

i must say we are really fortune to live in Singapore. even the condition of the orphanage in Singapore is much better den Batam. what i heard from the tour guide is that when these children leave the orphanage, they will become thieves. *shake head* what a terrible life.

.houses of Batam.

.floods of Batam.

Next, we went to the private water company of Batam. from what i know, Singapore government provide technical support. from what i recalled, it was raining heavily so we don't get the chance to visit the surrounding. :(

.snacks provided by the company. well, it doesn't taste as nice as what i though.

Next, is the SEAFOOD LUNCH!!!

chill carb!!

.gong gong.

well. the malay boys had their first try of the snail(gong gong).

.group photo.

FINALLY!!! we went to the mega store and we shopped for 3 hours.

donuts making!!

.mine!!

bijun's!!

HOME SWEET HOME!!

okie okie. i need to end here.
PAN BIJUN is sitting beside me now and rushing me to finish it. LOL!